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Murdering the Vegetables

from The Minja EP by Soggy Potato Chips

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Another track that came from my request for titles to write songs to. This one requested by Shawn Avery.


Stabbing the carrots
Burning the squash
Shooting the beets
Murdering the Vegetables

Mutilating the mustard
Flooding the onions
Blasting the green beans
Murdering the Vegetables

Crushing the lettuce
Stomping on the corn
Harpooning the pumpkins
Murdering the Vegetables

Starving the artichoke
Asphyxiating the lentils
Annihilating the soybeans
Murdering the Vegetables

My parents always said, I should
Eat them up they`re good for me, but they
Taste so bad I'd rather
Down my own pee, and I

Swore growing up that some
Day I'd grow to fame, by
Making absolute sure nobody
Else went through the same, so I`m

Punching the turnips
Burying the celery
Dismembering the cauliflower
Murdering the Vegetables
Decapitating the broccoli
Dehydrating the kale
Blowing up the spinach
Murdering the Vegetables

Destroying the peas
Learning tomatoes aren't vegetables
Wiping out the garlic
Murdering the Vegetables
Suicide bombing the potatoes
Nuking the asparagus
Making fun of the rice until they kill themselves
Murdering the Vegetables

I've been at this for...3 days now.
I've managed to destroy over 400 of these vile plants.
So, my mission should be just about complete...right?
How many vegetables are there?

Man, I'm hungry...


from The Minja EP, released September 8, 2021


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